Confidence works at its best when partnered with the ability to focus and vice versa. Focus and confidence are required when you are seeking to build a different future from the current set of circumstances that you find yourself in, when life threw you a curve ball or two, which may have knocked you off course. The details of the events are often irrelevant; you just need to take the positive learning from them in order to begin sculpting your path forward.
Life’s challenges can be perceived as positive symbols for the implementation of change; catalysts to trigger your next set of actions. Analysing the ‘how’ and ‘what’ went wrong should be a short-lived experience and only to be used to aid your choice of direction and not as tools to erode your confidence or self-worth. Subsequently, your reflections show you how to avoid repeating the same actions that were unbeneficial to you in the future; a lesson of learning rather than a form of self-punishment. The majority of your strength should be applied to the next stage of action, that of understanding how you can apply your knowledge and what new materials you may need to source in order to help answer the question: where do I go from here?
We are a continuous work in progress. Every decision we have made about our lives is overshadowed by the next decision we choose to make, which in turn produces another set of circumstances and yet more choices. In every situation we have options and choices. For a moment, remove your emotions. You can then see situations from an objective viewpoint and notice that decision making can be simplified to a very logical process. Negative emotions such as fear, doubt, and anxiety can hinder us from starting or progressing toward our goals. Procrastination can cripple us and to the point that we dismiss our personal power and by doing so we remain in a state of indecision rather than having faith in our ability to move forward and acquire further information to inform our next decision.
Importance lies in the actual act of making and executing our decisions; taking an active step generates confidence. Whether it be good or bad, right or wrong (within moral reason) is almost of a lesser importance compared to the commitment of taking some form of action. By not making decisions, by spending too long weighing up the options, we lose the belief that we can create change. We need both belief and commitment to generate action, and momentum to continue taking whatever action is required in order to move our lives forward. If we dither too long at the beginning of the process to implement desired change, then stagnation sets in and hopelessness inevitably follows like a faithful companion.
In the land of hopelessness you become lost in a whirlwind of ‘ifs’ and ‘maybes’, which you wish to escape from by hiding from yourself and the world. But the act of any decision, whatever the certainty, means that we make a move. Whichever way it takes us, forwards, backwards, sideways, diagonal, we move. That movement helps us to feel truly alive and that is a powerful feeling. Let us consider, to feel awake and alert and not to sleep walk through our lives, is there any better feeling? Consequently, to become the architect of your destiny can be achieved by having the belief that wherever your decision leads, you can always manage the outcomes that it will bring and counteract any shortfalls by making yet another decision. The process does not have to end and your journey does not have to come to an abrupt halt. One decision that perhaps took you farther away from your goal can be counteracted by a subsequent decision that could potentially take you near to your goal. Hence, life becomes an endless set of possibilities and development.
Confidence is the ability to have the belief and maintain the faith that you can and will keep moving towards the goal that you have set, regardless of adversity. The choices you make are small or large fluxes of movement which, in turn, can be seen as advancement. A ‘wrong decision’ is not what holds you back, it is the loss of faith in yourself to make another move which inhibits you from continuing to your overall aim. To use your self-talk negatively is how you lose confidence and sabotage your self-belief. In order to cultivate self-confidence you must take leaps of faith and know that you can weather any storm because of the determination that resides with in you to succeed; face the odds and know that have choices from which you can make decisions.
My idea is to see every decision as an energy flux of movement and that that movement presents a different set of circumstances that energises you to make the next move. Whatever situation I find myself in, I say, how can I make the best of this? How can I learn from this experience? I ask these questions when I have entered a new territory and realised that I was not in the exact place I previously imagined that I would be in. However, I still have my eye on the goal and so I am neither defeated nor victorious; I just need to move again but taking into account a different set of data. To remind me to be courageous I think about my personal motto, which keeps my faith alive in the most challenging of times; ‘I will find the positive in any experience and use it to create my next move.’
Having confidence is actually not necessarily about knowing all the answers or about feeling unequivocal certainty; it is about facing the unknown equipped with the knowledge that you have both courage and fear in your conviction to act. Fear can in fact be one of the biggest motivators for change because of our desire to propel ourselves out of that uncomfortable feeling as quickly as possible. If we reverse the energy that holds us in a state of fear, essentially holds us back, and utilise it to move forward, are we not using the exact same force but then channelling it into a different, more productive direction? For if we face the unknown with an open and curious mind then only natural movement occurs and subsequently self-confidence grows.
Coach Kat
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(c) Katrina Ramsden